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Bringing it home and being real

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I have a confession.
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Last night, this blog almost ceased to exist.
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I felt over-exposed,
a side effect of involvement in social media.
No doubt.
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But also the result of a wildly creative mind,
lost in the dark,
exhausted from life,
trying to wrap itself around truth.
And acceptance.
And failure.
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I have two shoulders that hurt,
and now a knee, too,
and that throws me right into the reality of age
and limitations
and realization of lack of control,
because, really, there’s always been a lack of control.
I just didn’t acknowledge it.
The mature me does.
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I worry about my family
and my friendships.
I am frustrated that I can’t keep my house up,
or be the perfect mom
or wife.
I don’t really have a place at my job;
I’m useful, or maybe not.
My art here,
my photographs and words,
somedays fit well,
but on many,
they haunt me.
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I’m trying to find a balance that doesn’t exist
between home and work and relationships.
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And I offer it all here,
fully exposed,
on a colorful platter.
Why?
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I don’t even really say what I want say half the time,
leaving lots of room for vague interpretation,
creating room for vague interpretation.
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Then I wake up this morning, only two hours after falling asleep,
and force myself to meet friends at the park to walk.
I breath in.
The sun shines.
Their friendship heals.
And then I remember why.
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I do this here, for almost four years now,
for the opportunity to connect.
To share what I love,
to document,
to create,
to be understood,
to inspire and offer hope.
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I risk exposuure for the opportunity of connection
and friendship.
There is healing there.

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This and That
A Rural Journal
imperfect prose

β€œToday, be aware of how you are spending your 1,440 beautiful moments, and spend them wisely.”

There are 1440 minutes in every day… 1440 opportunities to capture a moment of beauty. What moment of beauty did you capture this week?


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Share it with us here on Fridays.

bda
  • September 6, 2012 - 1:58 pm

    Dawn - You are such a special person, I love how you always seem to say things that I am feeling. It is so hard sometimes and feels like so much work just to keep up. Thanks for brightening my day and helping to realize I am not the only one who struggles with life, feeling a like I could be better at the many hats I wear in my life. But helping me to realize that, I’ m going to do better today than I did yesterday and that is doing something.

  • September 6, 2012 - 2:00 pm

    Danielle - All I can say is “WELCOME TO MY WORLD”! You express my thoughts so beautifully πŸ˜‰ You may not remember my “Midlife Blues” post last week…but I get where you are quite frequently (and every new ache and pain seems to accelerate those feelings…and doubts..etc…) but I also allowed a ‘friend’ into my world and voila…the next day was all in manageable perspective (I even posted about that). So if it helps, you are so not alone in this journey…as I learned talking with a friend my age (which helped because my other close friends are all 10-15 younger than me and they don’t ‘get it’ as well as a friend my own age. P.S. Those feelings along the way had me deleting all my previous blogs but I am definitely going to keep on moving forward…and keep my blog….I hope you keep yours…I love it..and your honesty…and of course..your gift of photography.

  • September 6, 2012 - 2:37 pm

    Jessica Washburn@sweatismysanity - Well you totally have me fooled. Your blog is so beautiful and I know you know I feel the same way half the time. It’s a hard balance but I think your doing much better than you think. And as for your place at work? You’re the boss lady so don’t sweat a thing. πŸ™‚ Glad you were able to chat with friends on a walk…thank goodness for great women that we can confide in and bounce ideas off of. xo, Jess

  • September 6, 2012 - 3:16 pm

    patty - Yes, Dawn! I love that: “I’m going to do better today than I did yesterday and that is doing something.” That is inspiration.

  • September 6, 2012 - 3:17 pm

    patty - I wish you were here so we could walk together! πŸ˜‰

  • September 6, 2012 - 3:19 pm

    patty - Thank you, Danielle! Makes me feel like we are not alone~

  • September 6, 2012 - 3:49 pm

    Lisa @ Two Bears Farm - Your pics and words are beautiful. I hope your knee and shoulders feel better.

  • September 6, 2012 - 4:04 pm

    Sherri B. - What an incredibly beautiful and poignant post…I relate to you words completely. We’re all just making our way the best we know how…one day at a time. Thank you for sharing your gorgeous thoughts AND images.

  • September 6, 2012 - 4:45 pm

    Renae - Hi!

    Awesome post. Thoroughly loved it. Do you know that I began a link hop/blog hop for just your type of post?

    It’s at my site
    on Wednesday and Thursday
    It is ‘Picture Poetry’

    You could link today or next week,too!

    Awesome. Join me, follow me?

    Have a peaceful day.

  • September 6, 2012 - 5:07 pm

    Alecia - You reminded me why I continue to show up and write, even though most days I think what’s the point. It’s to connect. Beautiful point and pictures!

  • September 6, 2012 - 6:21 pm

    deb duty - Stunning close ups and just so many gorgeous colors. I hope you never decide to stop blogging. Your photos are such a treat every time I visit!

  • September 6, 2012 - 6:39 pm

    Robyn - I also know how you feel. Sometimes life is just overwhelming. I am thankful my boots have straps to grab!

    I hope you find the peace and balance you are looking for! Your photography is beautiful,keep up the good work.

  • September 6, 2012 - 7:52 pm

    becky @ farmgirl paints - so glad it didn’t cease to exist. i love coming here. love your photography and your heart. we always risk hurt when we put ourselves out there…always. life is such a roller coaster. giving you a giant virtual hug friend.

  • September 6, 2012 - 8:39 pm

    Emille - There are moments I have the same thoughts, but it is for those few I love to connect with, and who do not give me that feeling of being over-exposed that I continue:) Take care.
    PS When you are able to capture such perfect pics, you certainly don’t have to be perfect in other areas, lol!

  • September 6, 2012 - 8:51 pm

    Ellie - I am glad you did post today – your pictures are absolutely stunning. πŸ™‚

  • September 6, 2012 - 9:50 pm

    Linda Makiej Photography - Simply beautiful photographs….. I love what you wrote. This could be me.

  • September 6, 2012 - 10:27 pm

    Suzanne - Patty, I can so relate to
    your words. I started
    blogging for the very
    same reasons, but every
    time I hit the post button,
    I wonder if anyone can
    really relate to my words.
    I also get those “What’s
    it all about, Alfie?” moments
    when I wonder where this
    blog ~ and I ~ are going.

    But it’s connecting with
    people like you, who see
    the world a lot like I do,
    that makes the angst worth
    this bloggy dance each
    week. {Yes, I only post
    once a week….helps me
    in the balance department.}

    I’m planning to hook up
    with 1440 tomorrow. So
    glad that your walk helped
    bring back your bloggy zest.

    Wish we could grab a coffee
    and stroll along the lake…..

    xo Suzanne

  • September 6, 2012 - 10:58 pm

    Jeanie Hannah - Patty, your words and pictures are such an inspiration! Ron brags about you all the time. Sadly, we are all getting older and have to deal with all the daily aches and pains. Hang in there and I won’t let Ron “trade” you in for a younger model…lol like he wants to do with “OLD FOLKS” here at Hamblen lol

  • September 6, 2012 - 11:42 pm

    Gina - I’m so sorry to hear you struggling with this but so very happy that you decided to keep going. It would be so sad to keep these pictures to yourself. They are so incredibly beautiful. I do understand where you are coming from- I think most of us go through those things. Hope you are able to find your happy place.

  • September 7, 2012 - 2:42 am

    Andrea - Beautiful photos. Thanks so much for sharing. That is why we all are here, to connect.

  • September 7, 2012 - 11:08 am

    1440 {9} :: change » Finding Serendipity - […] guess when things rattle you like they did me this week, it’s time for a change. Nothing drastic {I told myself no fewer than five times in […]

  • September 7, 2012 - 11:31 am

    Kim - One of your posts this week was shared with a team member who had some big decisions to make. It was, as the scriptures say, “right on time.” I enjoy keeping up, and I totally understand the pain along with the freedom of opening up, that’s what keeps me from the blog world most of the time, because saying what I really feel leaves a part of me exposed that I don’t even like. Again, thank you for your beautiful words.

  • September 7, 2012 - 4:27 pm

    Kim Stevens - I linked up this week, and popped over to see . . . and this is the very reason I didn’t link up the past few weeks. School started and going from living in the moment (which I do really well) to being scheduled (which I don’t do very well) has just thrown me off the horse. I also have a sleep disorder that has been thrown into a tail spin with all of it. I’m glad you didn’t delete, as I’ve just discovered you recently…even though I haven’t been very good about visiting either. AND….if it makes you feel any better, my house has never been the same since I stared blogging! haha

  • September 7, 2012 - 6:53 pm

    Nancy - I truly believe it’s good to stand back and try to view things objectively, if you can. I may have to back off of my blogging commitments enough to get other more important things accomplished. Photography and connecting is fun and self-gratifying, but responsibilities at home/work have to take priority. Now I need to walk the talk. Easy to say…

    Hope you have a great weekend, dear. xo

  • September 7, 2012 - 8:19 pm

    HoodPhoto - Beautiful photos! You should stop by my blog and share with us on Orange You Glad It’s Friday, a new meme featuring photos with a little or a lot of orange. Hope to see you there!

  • September 7, 2012 - 9:16 pm

    Pat - YOU have beautiful photos to share with and inspire others!

  • September 10, 2012 - 1:10 am

    Ruth @ Living Well Spending Less - Oh Patty I have felt like that SO MANY TIMES since I started this whole crazy blogging adventure. You put into words so beautifully and eloquently what I think every blogger goes through at least occasionally (and some of us more than others.) But we keep going, keep doing it, even when we want to quit, even when it makes us crazy because deep down we know that if we don’t get it OUT the consequences will be even worse. And the friendships are like no other. Hugs to you my friend. xoxo

  • September 13, 2012 - 4:05 pm

    Misty Dawn - Oh my goodness does this post speak to me! Heck, you could be speaking FOR me! Seriously, it’s like you are in my mind (and heart) feeling my feelings… my dreams, frustrations, worries, esteem-issues, ideas… Wow. Outstanding post! Truly outstanding. The images are out-of-this-world gorgeous too!

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